From there to here...

I was in the car yesterday, riding ala shotgun, and looking out the window had a sudden realization....how did I go from being a 18 year old carefree and wild girl to the woman staring back at me from my reflection in the spotty side mirror? There was no conversation in the car, except for the occasional "stop staring at me" from the back seat that drifts up to the front while the kids are busy playing in their own world. Is this the time in life Mom warned me about? The "dark" period of her life that I scaresly remember while I was being pulled in a wagon behind her as we once again left the house with luggage? Mom never got too far, before Dad was there to collect us, but I wonder if she was where I am now; and that I have stepped into those shoes. I can certainly remember plenty of nights, running around with no money to speak of, buying french fries and laughing it up with friends; now it seems that all there is to talk about is money,or lack there of, and the things we seems to need to buy with it, or worse yet...no talking at all. If you look at it as being worse; sometimes it is a blessing to have no conversation going on.

My coffee filled mornings get me going until about noon, when I need to recharge or refill up on something to get me through the rest of the day. I am my own worst enemy; I think my body is telling me that and I need to listen to it. Cut out the sugar! Little Brit did and look at how fab she is now...and the millon $ personal trainer and chef too im sure, but they dont tell us that. "You are what you eat!"...today I guess then Im coffee and chocolate, doesnt sound too horrible to be me then.

Quick update

Well the weather has been so crummy lately, we needed a pick me up and threw ourselves a "Happy Friday" party. I made a little cake and Daniel decorated it, were still eating it and all its sprinkles.


I got out on Saturday, really for the first time since doing the 1/2. I got in almost 5 miles rain free...**Thank You**! I was a little sore today, but some advil did the trick, along with a java chip frappaccino...oh yeah. I made my way to Cash and Carry to pick up some more syrups, sugar free ones this time too...I cant believe how much sugar I was eating and didnt know it. So at least with my starbucks I know there is a lot in there, but the orange juice?? Come on.



There is now 9 1/2 days of school left, and then we are off for the weekend to "Grammas" for a wedding and dentist appt. to celebrate...yeah....

Stopped and picked up a new sports bra and leggings, Erica found me a top too that I would have never picked up, but I tried it on anyways. She said it looks great, so I take her word for it; she is going to be my new fashion stylist... :)

Action Sports International - www.asiorders.com

Action Sports International - www.asiorders.com

Some photos

So everytime Im up north now, Mom says we need to go see Gramma "just in case". I think she is really worried about her, and rightly so; and I can say that from first hand knowledgt of walking into her dark damp bedroom is one thing, then the ammonia smells hits from all the dog crap and pee, and the bunny she doesnt need in there too that never is changed out. It will kill her eventually, and its so sad to know that and not be able to do much about it aside from calling the "authorities". But I think her being moved out of there would do just as much damage to her emotionally and she would give up anywho, so thats a catch 22. Mom does the best she can to clean her up each time shes there; Gramma lives my my Uncle and his girlfriend of 25 years, and my Aunt is about 5 minutes away but Mom is the one 30 minutes away to come running any time at all Gramma asks her too...sometimes 2 or 3 times a day. Thats love. Ive told Gramma that I have my opinions on the subject but will bite my tongue to keep peace which seems so damn important to everyone in our family; not upsetting anyone or pretty much speaking true feelings. O'well...Shane gets an earfull. He is on the same page with me, but unless Gramma asks to be out of there, we will let her be. She was always such a strong woman, it seems that spirit in her is gone.

I took the kids with me last time up there, they couldnt wait to get out in the horse barn to see Hank and the chicken that is nesting...I hope they all survive (there will be 8 babies then). She was pretty protective over her little nest and thats all the closer we could get!

So Im a little late with this...

But Erica had a good time at her party...she got to see some friends she hadnt in a long time and they got to play catch up with things. Family drama prevented more of a gathing for later but thats ok...Erica was still happy with the way things went!

What a week....

So I have been a total wreck of a person for some time, all at my own hands, and Ive gotten to the point of shaking myself and saying stop it! I have got to start up my regular Yoga again, as that really made a huge difference in how things in the ole brain were workin'..that and some more meditation; that is powerful stuff. So here I am at my parents house now, eating some mock coffee cake (white cake with the topping broiled on it...yum!) letting my ipod soothe me as I type and relax the day away. What a day it was too...

The deliveries we had today were early, 2 down in Redmond and Bothell, then back to pick up a wedding cake to take to mount vernon by 1 pm...busy busy around here and out the dor at 9 am, just Mom, Erica and I. Daniel wanted to stay with Grampa which just killed me, but I had to go and couldnt dwell on it. Mom hadnt slept at all that night even with her usual vices, and a few extras even thrown in...so I wasnt letting her drive with my girl in the car...she understood. Off we went, Mom feeling a bit ill to begin with and the snow wasnt helping; she was SO sick all the way there and back. I felt so bad that we couldnt just stop and let things settle, but she kept encouraging me to just get back to the house to load up for the wedding. We had about a 1/2 hour once back and I got the kids together, lunches made and we were out the door by noon...just me and the kids that it. I made Mom stay in bed and Dad stay home in case she needed a ride to the hospital...my brain had her poisoned and all. Of course maybe I just made her carsick too...haha. Kids were a big help to me in setting up and the place we went was wonderfully nice so I wasnt all over them to be quiet. Picked up some food and got back to see Mom up and looking a little better...she even had some dinner in mind, so that was nice to hear. Im thankful our next cake isnt until June. The money sure isnt worth any of what she went through today.

The snow has melted here, there was about 2" on the ground of very wet snow and more today that didnt stick around. We heard on the news something about thunder snow...would love to know how that works! Kids have been in the hot tub, fed well, and now playing on the computer...life is looking good.

Sunday, sleepy Sunday....

So the most part of the day today I spent in bed, sleeping and droolng, sneezing and eating just about everything I can find. Ive been fighting a sore throat that came out of nowhere, and now lots and lots of sinus pressure, headache and congestion. I signed my life away at Fred Meyers and got some claritin D that Im hoping will help soon too...oops, just found Danels chocolate bar that needed dipping in peanut butter...my bad. I sure hope this goes away soon though since its making me reallllllllllly grouchy and uncomfortable, and no one in the house will like me soon enough then...hehehe!